NOH8, folks! Time to represent.

We've come a long way since I last posted, as a movement and personally. The Prop 8 Trial is nearing completion in the Ninth Circuit, Washington D.C. is issuing same sex marriage certificates and my wife and I have moved back to the East Coast, where I'm eagerly pursuing a masters in Queer Media Advocacy, hoping to change the world through the sites and sounds we imbibe.

In my journalism class, where we were hotly debating our own responsibility as minorities to represent our respective peoples, my classmates basically threw up their hands in disgust and surrender, saying there's no way to fight mass media's marginalization. I begged to differ. I was shouted down. But I still get out and about and do things like Abam Bouska's NOH8 Campaign photo shoot, which recently made it to NYC. When people criticized my film The D Word for not representing them (just as I criticized The L Word for not representing me), I encouraged them to pick up a camera and document their world, just like I had. If you can make them think while they're laughing, all the better. Just don't sit on your a** and complain fatalistically in a classroom. DO SOMETHING. Represent, people.

Engraving

photo by Carlos Andres Varela

My wife and I were having what we call in my family as a "scientific discussion" at Tiffany's the other day. Which date should we engrave in our wedding rings? The digits commemorating our legal marriage in West Hollywood this summer, or those of our recent, more spiritual (and certainly more theatrical) nuptials in Times Square? What a lovely dilemma, right? Except that she wants to reject the California dates because California voters rejected us as a class of people. She's got a point.

While we honeymooned in New York, having voted by mail in L.A. County weeks earlier, our joy in the Obama victory was crushed by the news of the passage of Prop 8. When I got the final results on my phone in a store and burst into tears, the salesperson behind the counter was at a loss for words. Only the consoling arms of my wife helped. We can do that on the Upper West side of Manhattan - be affectionate in a normal, everyday couple way. Now that we're back in Hollywood, I'm scared of any PDA. Knowing that the majority of my neighbors - and I mean my immediate neighbors, like next door - voted to take away my rights, infuriates and terrifies me. These are people who actually know us, yet still voted against us.

I have often wondered why I came to L.A. exactly when I did. Joining the WGA, just in time for the Strike. Falling in love, just in time for the CA Supreme Court's landmark decision on marriage equality. I think I was meant to be here for these historic struggles. To literally change my point of view from East to West. To meet these people and these things and grow in these ways.

I can't be bitter about it. I GOT TO MARRY THE WOMAN I LOVE! Twice. Both are the happiest days of my life. And California played a large part in our couple history, so 08.16.08 goes on my ring. The NYC date's on hers. And together we can fight for our rights in all states of the union, because I agree with our new president, that "All things are possible."

Close Up

Hunting around the Frameline website looking for a friend's film I found - Surprise! - My face is the ad for the "Dyke Delights" program. Wish I was going to be in San Fran for the screening... I miss the Castro.

It's a week for photos. My sweetie & I are getting ready for our close-up for our couple portrait. Think the NY Times will publish it? I bet they're overrun with queer wedding announcements this week. Looking over my parents', sister's and grandparents' wedding photos, I'm struck by how young, classic and calm they call seem. Happy, for sure, but pretty calm; Like they all knew this was the right thing to be doing. I get it now.

So, I filled out "Party A." Never thought I'd be happy to partake in the bureaucracy of L.A. County... ;-) Picture perfect application.

Bands

My sweetie & I looked at matching wedding bands yesterday. Just a regular couple checking out the rings at Tiffany's. If nothing legally earth shattering happens in the next few weeks, the vows will start flying in CA staring June 17, 2008. I'll continue volunteering at EqualityForAll and praying that the CA constitution stays intact through this election and beyond.

One of my neighbors, a member of the armed services - for whom Memorial Day is most near & dear - came to our holiday BBQ. A sweet guy with his wife, and we respectfully disagreed about same-sex marriage. And I truly mean that we were very respectful of each other's opinions. I'm really thankful that we can have a thoughtful discussion over hamburgers and hotdogs about our core beliefs and genuinely smile and shake hands before, during & after. But I'm really blessed that he's out there protecting my rights in uniform.

God Bless America; In all it's terrible beauty and flaws. My life wouldn't be possible elsewhere.

UPDATE: NY State to Back Same Sex Unions From Elsewhere!

In both our legal states of residence we'll be truly hitched. My parents called past their bedtimes back East to tell me. I am so proud and thrilled.

California Dreamin' is Reality

 

I'm gonna' make an honest woman out of my sweetie - and me! As soon as the news hit that the California Supreme Court overturned their ban on Gay Marriage, I shouted it out to my sweetie in the other room. We kissed and immediately called our loved ones. Pretty handy that we're already engaged and planning a wedding, right? We thought that the NYC ceremony would be all official, having signed up as domestic partners at city hall in the Big Apple, but it turns out that LaLaLand will be the legally binding state of our bliss. Long live May 15, 2008!

UPDATE:

We went to the marriage equality celebration rally in WeHo and wound up on the local news. Don't blink or you'll miss us!

 

 

Next up - volunteer phone banking at EqualityForAll.com next week to defeat the upcoming ballot proposition to amend the state constitution to ban gay marriage. Will the bigots ever stop trying? We won't ever stop fighting for equal rights. I look forward to the day when it won't be a struggle, just peaceful coexistence. That'd be a nice wedding gift.